My husband and I have been married six years now and have been TTCing since day 1 of saying I do. We are yet to be successful. Most friends and family know not to pressure us or ask how our baby making mission is going but there is that one friend that didn’t get the memo on sensitivity.
I’ve not know this friend for long so for quite some time I excused her behaviour for just
being ignorant of the facts. Less than a year ago I finally mentioned that my child free home was not by choice. She was suitably sympathetic and stopped her insensitive comments for a brief period. Now they’re back with a vengeance and brutal in it’s precision and frequency. It’s like a slap in the face. I literally gasp when it happens.
We all know people like this. I find it hard to figure out the motivation or thought process to saying things like this to other people.
Wrong: Oh you’re lucky you don’t have kids to mess up your house. It’s no wonder it’s always tidy.
Right: I admire how well you keep your home. It’s so tidy.
Wrong: What do you mean your house is filthy and you’ve had to clean all weekend? It’s only two of you. It’s not like you have kids..
Right: I hate house work. Fair play to ye.
Wrong: You sometimes leave dishes in the sink overnight? What dishes? Who are you even cooking for? Is it not just two of you? At least you don’t have to cook for kids.
Right: I do the same OR I love doing dishes, lemme come help you out some night.
… And variations of these types of conversations.
How can you justify saying this to someone who’s confided their fertility issues to you? So you have six children under the age of eight and have no free time? Is this enough to warrant such behaviour? Is it resentment, jealousy, tiredness, tactlessness, one-upmanship? What?
Why resent others for choices they never made? Why not love your life however you find it. Stop thinking others have it easier than you just because you can’t see the struggle. Let people live.